Ask & Find · 14 questions

Getting lighter

Setting down what was never yours to carry

Everyone is carrying something that was never theirs. An old worry, a sentence someone said once, a version of themselves that stopped fitting years ago.

These questions are not about fixing you. There is nothing to fix. They are about getting lighter.

Begin with the first Print as a booklet

What are you carrying that was never yours to carry?

A parent's worry, a friend's expectation, an old version of you. Some of it can be set down.

What have you been putting off, and what would make it small enough to start?

Most postponed things are not hard. They are big. Big things shrink when you cut them.

What do you tell yourself you are not the kind of person who does?

Not a runner, not creative, not good with money. These sentences are older than you think and less true.

What would you do if you were ten percent braver? Not fearless. Ten percent.

Nobody becomes fearless. But ten percent is available, and it changes a lot.

Whose voice is it when you doubt yourself?

It is rarely your own. Naming it loosens its grip.

What are you tired of apologising for?

Being too much, needing rest, having a feeling. Some apologies are habits that can be retired.

What would you let yourself off the hook for, if you were your own kind friend?

You have been prosecuting yourself for things a friend would have forgiven years ago.

What have you survived that you have never given yourself credit for?

Hard years leave a mark, but they also leave evidence. Look at the evidence.

What is the worst that would actually happen if you tried the thing? Write it out fully.

Written down, the worst case is nearly always survivable. In your head it is a monster.

What are you holding onto because letting go would mean admitting something?

A plan, a person, a grudge. Dropping it feels like losing. It is usually just getting lighter.

What would you stop doing if you trusted that you were already enough?

A lot of effort goes into proving. Some of it could go into living.

What do you need to hear from someone that you could say to yourself tonight?

The sentence you have been waiting for is often one you can write.

What is one thing you would forgive yourself for, if you decided to?

Forgiveness is a decision before it is a feeling. You can make the decision first.

When did you last do something for the first time? How did it feel afterwards?

Remembering the after-feeling makes the next first time easier.